I have always dealt with fear, fear about bills, relationships, jobs, family and my kids, but recently fear has been trying to really take a hold of me. It really got bad last night after I watched Changeling, it's a great movie about a boy who goes missing and his mother's search for him and it is based on a true story, after I got done with the movie my mind goes wild, what if that happened to me? I couldn't sleep last night because of it.
Honestly I dread going to the store because what if one of them gets away, and you all know when you have a new baby EVERYONE wants to come look at him and ask questions about him. One day while I was shopping I kept his blanket over him the whole time where no one could see him. I have even thought about getting some new diaper bags because all the ones I have have his name on it. Am I crazy?
I remember when I was around my oldest son's age my mother wouldn't let me wear anything that had my name on it. Some of my friends would have airbrushed shirts on with their names, but I couldn't have one. Now I see her point in a way.
I have been really praying about this because I don't want to live in fear, it's miserable, and I don't want my kids to suffer because of this. I have even been loosing sleep over this, and honestly I know what it is, it's the devil working overtime on me, trying to make stress about ever little thing. I have even been fear full of Jeremy's job. Every little thing he can make me doubt or question I have, but I am going to get through this.
On the tenth of this month our church starts our corporate fast, so with that and a whole lot of prayer I will be out from under Fear.
Monday, January 5, 2009
Fear
Posted by amanda at 9:22 AM
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4 comments:
I've thought about the diaper bag thing... Someone mentioned that to me and I haven't stopped thinking about it. I have a tendency to get frightened over lots of things, and I've found that some of them, I put upon myself... Because of this, I no longer watch scary movies or ones that are suspenseful... My heart cannot take it and I dream about it. It's miserable. Make the choice to NOT FEAR. "There is NO FEAR in love," scripture tells us this. Believe it, state it when you're scared, and start living it!
There is nothing to fear but fear itself! You are so much stronger that you give yourself credit for. No matter what happens you know that God will provide for you and your family. He will take care of you.
I love you!
P.S. I wouldn't worry about his name on the diaper bag until he is old enough to understand that it is his name. Then maybe consider being picky about where you use the bags with his name.
The definition of fear is "feel anxious or apprehensive about a possible or probable situation or event" Hebrews 11:1 says "Now faith is the substance of things hoped for, the evidence of things not seen." Fear and faith are not that different except faith is looking and believing in the positive event while fear is looking at the negative.
That is easy to say but harder to do. I have four boys and I would like to say it gets easier but it doesn't. The worry and fear just changes. When they get older you don't worry as much about what other people will do to them. It is more about the choices they make. Did I as a parent do the right things. There is only one answer and it is God. The FAITH that your prayers are heard and that He will watch over them. It takes a lot of prayers. And HE WILL take care of them. That is my faith.
Go read my blog about fear and faith. I was going to write it as a comment but it's way too long. I love your guts Amanda and you're so much stronger than you see yourself to be. Others around you see it and we believe in you!
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